Two weeks ago I left for a five day mission trip to an immigrant area in a city called Göteborg. It was an incredible time with my team reaching out to the youth in the area as well as to the Muslim culture. The church we worked with was one that was so living and active that I was put to shame.
The evening before leaving school, our principal said that this trip wasn’t an interlude in our regular lives, but a continuation of what we’ve already been doing. Our whole life should be one big “mission trip”; whether sharing our faith and living Christ right where we are, or in some foreign country.
The morning of our departure was when I was told by someone in the school office that there was a problem with my visa, which pertains to the Bosnia trip. There was nothing I could do about it until after the five day trip. When I finally got back I got to work in trying to figure out a solution - but there was nothing to be done. By going to Bosnia I would risk getting big trouble (deportation and fining).
I spent several days thinking, praying, and even crying about it. Many of the girls here in the dorm prayed with and for me. Several other issues came up and I sat down, threw my hands up, and said, “Is God closing the doors because he wants me back home in Alaska or is Satan trying to hinder me?” It caused me much consternation because I couldn’t tell which one it was. I was faced with the choice of going to Bosnia and taking the consequences, or avoiding the problems all together and just going home – the thought of making the wrong choice paralyzed me. I didn’t want to fail God, I didn’t want people to think that God had failed me.
Long story short, I made the decision to go home. Many factors played into this decision. My parents said they would support my decision either way. I had the support of my team either way. I didn’t have peace in my heart in going to Bosnia. And I remembered what Luke Thomas, our principal, had said about us continuing our lives like one big mission trip. Even in going home I can reach out to people. I’ve given a lot of thought to God’s will – it’s something we will never be able to fully comprehend and every branch of Christianity has its own view on how His will works. That’s something I’m not going to delve into at this point, but I want to insert a quote from a book I’ve been reading about Amy Carmichael:
“They laid a palm branch across Ponnammal’s bed as a sign of victory and accepted whatever answer God might give, certain that whether it was to be physical healing or not, He would give victory and peace. It sounds like a simple formula. It was an act of faith, but certainly accompanied by the anguish of doubt and desire which had to be brought again and again under the authority of the Master.”
God’s answers aren’t always what we expect, and decision making is hard – at least for me. But I have made my decision and I feel a perfect peace about it in my heart. I don’t feel like God has brought me to a dead end, but has rerouted my path. One of the speakers at school once said, “If you look after the depth of your relationship, He’ll look after the breadth of your work.” That’s what I’m clinging to.
Thank you to everyone who has been praying for me. And to those who donated, you will be getting your money back. If you want me to give the money to the rest of the Bosnia team please email me, otherwise I will be giving it back to you.
I set out on this journey with the challenge of trusting God with money – but I think he has asked for my trust in all things. There are so many things I’ve learned, and am continuing to learn. I’m grateful for a God of patience, love, and power.
